the internal conflicts of a woman on the subway / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page the internal conflicts of a woman on the subway.

Stygian Blue 08 May 2022 02:38

OH DAMN THIS GOOD

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

rekilu 08 May 2022 02:40

goddammit stygian you stole the first comment from us

(this is awesome! damn!)

Din-Bidor 08 May 2022 02:40

This is very good, but you still can't dance

Jackyfudge 08 May 2022 02:41

MY MAN CAME IN HERE WITH THAT???

Jackyfudge 08 May 2022 02:41

I'm unsure whether to cry or praise you, this is really emotional

NotAnOligarch 08 May 2022 18:01

the way the woman's thoughts slowly and subtly get bigger and louder was really amazing to see.
this is amazing. I do wish it could be longer. Not because it doesn't have enough substance, but I'd like to see the negative thoughts grow a teensy bit more.
overall, still incredible.

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Seraphannim 09 May 2022 08:30

Man I don't want to say this hit home but

Yeah this hit home
Ouch :'<

Maxyfran73 10 Jun 2022 03:37

Ughhhh. I don't really wanna review this one, cuz I don't think my complaints are exactly 'valid', but here we go. I uh, yeah, I don't like this piece, and there's two main reasons for it.

The long rambles of a madman

The first one is that this piece is uncomfortably unapologetic about its content. Now, that isn't wrong per se, and I think pieces that make you uncomfy are pieces with stories that are worth telling, but the way this piece conveys things is… Hm, don't really like it. This piece touches upon a woman's self-worth and self-confidence against the objectification and stereotyping of what it means to be a 'woman' in an interesting way, doing so from a negative perspective. This woman gripples both with a society that sees her as an object (Or at least that one guy in the subway) and her own inner thoughts that treat her like shit, finding them to be in the right.

I think this type of story isn't wrong; it definitely should be written about, but the way it's written about doesn't sit right with me. I think the inherent nuance of being written with as little details as possible makes it a tale that is exemplifying… Something in general. There's no indicators that any part of this story has a personality of itself, so whatever this piece presents is all that there is. Which means… What does it mean? Well, as a sort of shock fiction, I repel the ideas that this piece present, because they are wrong, but as a piece itself, it has this… This torture-esque, social comment energy that feels very… Sadistic? In the Sades sense rather than the usual S way.

I think this piece could have used a bit more personality to it; more build-up, more… More something that shows that there's more to this woman than a whore, or even if there is not, just more substance to that claim. That would be my second complaint: A lack of substance that makes the story feel like there is something to it other than the shock you feel within the first like two sentences that just slowly collapses until it whimpers out by the end.

So yeah, sorry, but this is definitely not the kind of piece I enjoy. Apologies, but it's a -1 from me.

PlayNice9001 18 Jun 2022 22:36

The theme that one, singular thought is capable of cascading into such a self-destructive tirade hits very close to home. The protagonist's voice becoming smaller while her negative thoughts only grow in size, volume and severity is a great touch.