A Dance Between Flesh And Steel / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Dance Between Flesh And Steel.

lzhoudidion 14 May 2022 00:25

False nostalgia inducing Southern Californian style music, fit for checking into a dying 1950s motel or hopping a freight train away from the strange land of Corvettes and cracked eggs.

Image sources: (1, by the underrated railroad photographer Roger Puta)(2, edited into black and white)

Thank you to Stygian Blue for critique!

The tie-in piece to Ramblings Of A Retired Tramp! Whereas the piece that came before it told the overarching tale of the Tramp's life and lessons learned, this one examines the act of hopping freight trains, the dangerous yet exhilarating method of transportation for many folks on the road when all other methods fall through.

Last edited on 14 May 2022 00:46 by lzhoudidion Show more

Stygian Blue 14 May 2022 00:27

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

That is all. Fabulous work.

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

LAN 2D 14 May 2022 20:51

I knew I'd enjoy myself when I started reading, and I was right - this is fantastic! As with Ramblings, you absolutely nail the slice of life narrative here. I love the inclusion of specific place names, details, dates, train models, etc, that you plaster across this article; it makes everything feel so real and autobiographical.

Something else I really enjoyed was the dialogue. It's all so casual, but manages to develop our narrator and the other characters at the same time: the whole 'trusties' thing and the smoking part are great examples of this. I also like how you establish a difference in train-hopping experience between the narrator and the two kids, but when it comes to the actual thing, they're the first ones to confidently (and recklessly) jump on the train.

I could talk about this for days, to be honest, so I'll just say: great work! I'm very much looking forward to more, whenever that may be.

Snapdragon133 13 Jun 2022 05:18

I wanted to talk about something the others didn't, and that's the action. I fuckin loved it, you wrote the action so good. The old guy cheering on the boys is a favorite of mine, but the quick thoughts running through the Tramp's mind plus the fast paced prose all comes together to make an unforgettable sequence. Awesome work zhou!!

Rounderhouse 23 Oct 2022 00:43

Goddamn. What can I say that hasn't been said already? You have a genre, and you are damn good at it. Every part of this works — the sad melancholy, the nostalgia, the thrilling action. You hit a lot of the same mood beats as the original tramp story, but you also expand on the memories and times in a meaningful, engaging way. It feels like an escalation in the best way, fantastic.