Nowhere Express / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Nowhere Express.

Stygian Blue 24 Jul 2022 23:15

A story several months in the making. Thank you dearly for lzhoudidion for greatly assisting in this work's creation, completion, and polishing; and thank you greatly, Din-Bidor, for going through the full crit process on this 27k monstrosity. I am deeply pleased to have finally finished this work with the help of the community here. I know it's long, but I have been told that the tallest trees bear the most succulent fruit. Take care, and get hit by lightning if you can.

-Styg

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

Last edited on 17 Nov 2022 18:47 by Stygian Blue Show more

lzhoudidion 24 Jul 2022 23:16

+ A song for the road

"I'm learning to fly
but I ain't got wings
coming down
is the hardest thing
well the good ol' days
may not return
and the rocks might melt
and the sea may burn."
-Tom Petty

I would like to first and foremost thank my coauthor Stygian Blue for presenting the opportunity to collaborate together in the creation of this wonderful piece, and Din-Bidor for taking the time to review and critique the behemoth of the finished draft. I would also like to extend my appreciation as well to the entire Wanderers Library community, especially to you, the reader, for taking time out of your day to read and support a piece of this scale. It's truly been a blast.

All the best,

-lzhoudidion

Last edited on 25 Jul 2022 03:25 by lzhoudidion Show more

Snapdragon133 30 Jul 2022 05:00

+ Quick Crit

I have mixed feelings on the collapsibles. The first seems completely unneeded, and I would recommend you get rid of it. I liked the second collapsible (and the nested collapsible inside) because it represents the missing memory. The third hidden collapsible, the one where Horus murders someone, felt correct to be hidden but also not that needed for the story? It's not really called back on, but ultimately I'm neutral on that one. If there are more hidden collapsibles I missed them.

Gods don’t bleed, after all.

I feel like this line would hit really hard if you had avoided directly referring to any of the characters as gods before this. It would be a really cool reveal, but I recognize if you don't want to go through editing all that.

no, how flawed they truly were, in their initial ways of thinking.

The end of this sentence reads as really wordy, I would suggest rewriting it.

Dude. Duuuuuude. This was so good. The concepts here, of a former god working as a trucker in America and the Somewhere and Nowhere are really cool. The imagery is on fire, I love it. You two knocked it out of the park

FleshMaddAvalon 16 Jun 2024 01:18

Fuck.

I started playing death stranding today

What I would give body and soul to see you two ŵ write that game.

This was succulent, spiiiicy, like habeneroes and talented assaulting my mouth with prose bombs. To read it is to know joy. You two made a stir fry and it goes down so smooth.

I will reference this I future pieces.

My writing temple expands yet further.

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust