Scabs / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Scabs.

Author post

Vishardsh 25 Aug 2022 20:44

How to start talking about this?

Needless to say, if you look at the page history for this you'll see that it has undergone drastic changes. This is because I rewrote the entire thing.

Have the certainty of will to downvote my child if you dislike it, for the love of god.

An immense thank-you to lzhoudidion for getting his incredibly insightful and self-reflective crit of this done despite all the odds. Currently the only site-member to challenge me to a beyblade battle on Olympus Mons as part of a critique exchange. Many animal pictures were sent during what transpired.

And, of course, to rekilu for giving me the critique of the original draft.

Last edited on 16 Jun 2023 20:15 by Vishardsh Show more

lzhoudidion 16 Jun 2023 21:48

Salvaged from the wreckage of the Mars III lunar rover, destroyed by a high-velocity shoulder fired missile constructed from a Harbor Freight power washer and a Heinz Beanz can:

Conclusion: These are all my notes, assembled from both handwritten, computer, etc notes. TLDR version: the aforementioned critiques are ‘quality of life’ observations, I think this piece is ready to go outt here. If I were to be a bit honest I’m (I believe I’ve said this before in my intro, but…this is entirely my fault and I assume full responsibility for the delay) disappointed in myself that I’ve taken too long, too much liberty in writing and sending this over to you—and somehow the irrational fear of being a pariah because of long form text. But the Dambuster has already struck against the concrete retaining walls of metaphor—once, twice, over again, and if any semblance of the the feeling of personal disappointment can be quantified, it would be in the shot glass of some involuntarily fooled stockbroker’s lackey, slinging their feet over the hull of a Bayliner anchored three miles off the shore of Bermuda, or the Turks and Caicos, watching the wakes, degrees of froth and bioluminescent oil slicks from the Disney cruise ships or fishing vessels treading in and out of port ripple, dissipate in the downwards force of that one HM Revenue and Customs Sikorsky cycling overhead, waiting, etched into the sunset for the one rogue to snap the moorings, backside the bow out away from international waters. -lzhoudidion

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Oh, how beautiful broken glass is, rendered smooth and satin in the water…

Last edited on 16 Jun 2023 21:51 by lzhoudidion Show more

Sobek109 23 Jun 2023 12:24

A great opener. The worldbuilding hits you hard and fast but there's also some really good characterisation done in a short span.

Rounderhouse 30 Jun 2023 04:20

gross! love it. very grimy, the best kind of scifi. smooth shiny chrome is passe, give me that rusted-over industrial prosthesis leaking oil and requiring regular maintenance. sci-fantasy is a saturated genre to say the least but this introduces a fun new vibe to it that i really like, and does quite a lot to characterize both Scabs and the world we're exploring given the relatively short length of the piece. very good.

(account deleted) 08 Jul 2023 17:04

Good piece. I like the fantasy world that has been created here. +1

Last edited on 08 Jul 2023 17:04 by (account deleted) Show more

Maxyfran73 28 Jul 2024 22:21

Holy- What a way to start a series! So charming, so grimy, so cool! Loved the characters here, especially Scabs and Elbows. The ending with the memories is also such a cool way of getting people engaged in the story too. Just, everything about this is awesome. Loved it~

+1

Last edited on 28 Jul 2024 22:21 by Maxyfran73 Show more