Greetings, I am in need of some eyes on basically my sandbox but mostly a contest entry!
Contest Entry || White Black Dust || : First priority. I was wondering if its clear what is happening. It makes sense emotionally and chronologically. And if its generally cohesive and easily digestible. Does the way the character tells the story and reacts make sense with whats going on with them? Is the ending alright?
If that's not your taste at the current moment I was still needing eyes on my second priority a rewrite of A Doomed Sailors Words. It's on site but I currently am not happy with the way it is because of the length, cop out name and other details. What I'm looking for for this one is if it still fits the narrative of the analogy and if how we get there makes sense. Is the ending still impactful? Is the way we get there natural?
Third priority and last of the ones I want looked at is Stay Behind My Blue Jayhawk. I'm wondering if the name fits in your eyes and generally if hows its worded and how its told feels emotional. It's inspired by a song, Blue by The Jayhawks (would recommend). I don't really know where its going but its trying to hit hard and that's my main focus.