>:)
mwah I give this story a kiss
In all honesty, amazing piece. Perhaps a new favorite of yours!
With Rigging of Gold and a Sky Like Wine / Discussion
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Did you write this while building a ship? Because I cannot conceive any other way to get such detail and feeling across as this did. Well done!
Image is Foggy Watch Hill Cove Sunrise. It is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International. I added the grey double-border.
Many thanks to Snapdragon, Dinner, Meltedbee, and others for reviewing this. You are treasures.
Cheers, and best of luck to all in the contest!
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
I have to say Stygian, this is probably one of the best things you've posted (Which is hard to say cause you've made so much good stuff lol). Everything about this feels meticulously crafted. The usage of second-person is incredibly strong here, it makes me feel like I'm being commanded by an unseen force, possessed to build this ship. This is also benefitted by the short sentences that are all throughout.
I think my favorite parts have to be where it's difficult to tell the difference between the protagonist and the boat, or when the protagonist is being treated like they're being built as well. So so good, +1
if this doesn't win I will cry
currently crying
Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.
I can't believe you have built this amazing tale with this powerful an energy around building a fucking ship. What the hell, how.
Seriously though, the energy here is amazing; it has this tinge of obsession, almost Moby Dick-esque in its execution (Prolly the sea imagery helps with that) but then it hits more hopeful notes. There's less obsession, and more of a destiny, a goal that is being pursued. And then the goal is accomplished, and we see its but the first of many. We set sail.
I'm sure there's a lot to deconstruct here, but I ain't smart enough for that. Instead, I'll praise what's concretely here: A long but rewarding article about someone building a boat. And what a beaut she was.
+1
Shit, this is good. I should read Jack London again, and Service. Good old survivalism and carpentry.
This had no business almost making me cry, Blue. God dammit.
Delicious. This is definitely the best thing I've read out of the contest so far — it feels like an escalation of your "introspective Talking" genre of work in the best way. The word choice, the diction, all of it is intentionally and deliberately chosen to invoke a certain mood and atmosphere and boy, it knocks it out of the park. The imagery is exceptional, and you really feel the weight of the lines with physical work in them, which is pretty rare in fiction, so props for that. I do think it dragged a bit in the middle — to a point where it didn't feel that the atmosphere was being expanded and instead you were just repeating preceding bits, but ultimately that's a pretty minor note in an otherwise knockout entry. Seriously, I don't know how you made building a goddamn boat into a near-ethereal experience, but well done.
I don't really care for ship building. I don't know the intricacies and how much effort is put into it. I don't know anything really. And that's why this piece honestly….
Changed my view, I didn't care but now I want to hear more about fitting the pieces that are wood, tar, rope together to create a vessel. I want to talk to veterans, let them show me how to build. I want to build one myself, I don't have the skills or effort or energy but I want to. And that's why this piece honestly….
Made me so damn impressed, not to like stroke the ego but you and Vishardsh are my favourite writers on site and this has proven it. I did not expect this but by god you gave it. And that's why this piece honestly….
Craves more love, it needs it. Ships are alien to me but I have never felt more alien on land. The ending is beautiful it feels bittersweet, the barely mentioned but budding relationship with the dockworkers was amazing and I genuinely felt a sort of stale sadness when they set sail. And set sail they did, bringing a stunning end to a stunning work. And that's why this piece honestly….
Is my favourite on site.
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