Slain in Ailech, without Blemish / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Slain in Ailech, without Blemish.

Sobek109 18 Sep 2022 01:26

What do Gods do when they die? Learn to carry on living, I suppose.

Thanks for reading my weird god Isekai! This is my first post on the WL and I had a blast doing writing and world building for this, so if this does okay, I’ll probably write more stuff in this setting, so I hope you enjoyed it.

I’ve had this fascination with the concept of large towers made out of other buildings mashed together since I was a young kid playing Professor Layton for the first time, so thanks to Linkinbrick for giving me a chance to get that out of my head with their image choice. Huge thanks to all the folks at the Discovering SCP discord for general writing tips, particularly to Crow-Cat for their help and crit on both the initial and final version of this.

Quick Edit: The quote at the start is from the Book of Leinster. Image Source can be found here.

Last edited on 18 Sep 2022 01:37 by Sobek109 Show more

Vishardsh 18 Sep 2022 06:58

This is brilliant- the worldbuilding's cool and intriguing, the protagonist is engaging, the fight at the beginning practically pulses with energy and immediately grabs the reader's attention as well as being decidedly epic, the descriptions of the gods and the giant are all really cool and unique- emphatic +1.

Maxyfran73 19 Sep 2022 07:20

I love how packed the story is: We start with pure action, fast-paced and grim, and we then slow down into an Isekai story, and coming to terms with one's own mortality, and what comes after. The religious/mythological references were really nice, and the overall concept of this Elysium for the gods was clever by being more on the simple side of things. The usage of the Mezquita-Catedral to exemplify working together was also extremely clever; loved that detail.

But yeah, this story was great, and I loved both the worldbuilding and the two main characters. Easy +1~

Jackyfudge 25 Sep 2022 19:03

I don't know how to exactly explain my thoughts on this. Pure satisfaction? A good general vibe? No matter what way you put it this is gooooooooooooooood

+1

Snapdragon133 26 Sep 2022 21:59

This could easily become a series/canon, absolutely. Throughout the story there seems to be some formatting issues, lots of forgotten spaces between paragraphs, but I decided not to fix it myself because I couldn't tell if some of it was intentional. Additionally, I do think your dialogue needs some work, and I would encourage you to go through it (especially Ninimma's) again. Otherwise, this was a very enjoyable read, great first post

ProgressMade 27 Sep 2022 05:32

Excellent weird god city. My favorite part, strangely, was the ocean of fresh water. For some reason being the only thing out on the sea is always an interesting feeling for me to read about.

Rounderhouse 28 Sep 2022 19:17

Freak city with its big ol' freak buildings. Love it. Though I agree upthread that you should really sort the formatting out — the lack of space between different word blocks makes it frankly difficult to get through, which is a shame because it is genuinely a very strong story. Prose is solid and the imagery, which is really what something like this lives or dies on, is great and feels appropriately restrained-but-weird. Agreed that the dialogue could use some sandpapering but it wasn't quite enough to ruin my experience. Overall, good stuff — just needs minor alterations to be a bit more visually clear.