Pathway and Corridor / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Pathway and Corridor.

Awthr Post

Rigen 23 Sep 2022 02:40

Thank you aismallard for the evocative image prompt! I hope I had done the image even a percent of justice.

Image Credit from bottom up:

Lyubertsy,_A._A._Skochinsky_Mining_Institute_-_interior_(16781901395)-crop-resdown.jpg resized and cropped from this image Creative Commons Attributions 2.0 Generic

ryth.png was edited from the same image with Microsoft Paint shapes tools and IrfanView Polar Coordinate effects. Creative Commons Attributions 2.0 Generic

ttt7.png was created from the same image as well as this image that I made, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0

Last edited on 24 Sep 2022 00:43 by Rigen Show more

Maxyfran73 24 Sep 2022 06:17

Yeah, sorry, not a fan. I think the repetition with the images hurts the piece some; it creates these spaces in the text that don't help as the piece is quite short and doesn't need the spacing, and it also diminishes the impact of the image itself.

As for the piece itself, there just isn't enough to make an impact. We don't really 'know' these characters, so the betrayal feels like it means very little. The way it's narrated also feels overly-explicative. Not in general, but rather for the type of piece it is. The mentions of Dutch architecture feel like padding to a story that needs another type of padding: A more substantial one. Finally, the characters themselves just aren't interesting: There needs to be more to their attitude/dialogue than just back-and-forth, especially when the back-and-forth isn't that substantial.

So… Yeah, essentially, this piece needs more substance. The idea here is good, but it needs a much better execution. -1

Jackyfudge 25 Sep 2022 17:54

I'm a bit confused and I feel like its lacking a bit but the parts I understand are good enough!

+1

LAN 2D 26 Sep 2022 20:14

Pretty much echo what Maxy is saying here. This story is way too short to get us properly invested in the characters and atmosphere. It felt like the ending of a story we haven't seen yet, to be honest.

Rounderhouse 27 Sep 2022 15:59

Not much more to say that hasn't been said already. It goes by too fast and too light. I get what you were going for with it being a vision of a Way from the POV of someone unacquainted, but since we as readers already know what it is, there's no real mystery for us to be curious about, get invested in. So instead we have to use the narrator as a proxy — get invested in his not knowing what it is, and finding out. Except that doesn't happen; it's revealed almost halfway into the very short story, and like the others have mentioned, it felt like a lot of that runtime was padding anyway, not really meaningful character vibes we could get invested into. And then it just sort of ends, satisfying neither the narrator's nor the readers' curiosity.

QuestioningEspecialy 01 Oct 2022 23:56

I get what you were going for with it being a vision of a Way from the POV of someone unacquainted, but since we as readers already know what it is, there's no real mystery for us to be curious about, get invested in.

…I didn't know what it was. >.>

just enough

QuestioningEspecialy 02 Oct 2022 00:00

I really enjoyed this piece and the images used. The only thing I can possibly complain about is certain wording here and there, but I assumed it was the way of the world this was written for.
I can get other people's complaints about the length and reuse of images, but honestly… the story probably just wasn't for them. I enjoy these types and the lack of presented depth. It leaves room for my own imagination. 🤷🏿‍♂️ +1