A Part of Thee / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Part of Thee.

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Arcydziegiel 11 Mar 2023 00:13

A very short tale inspired by "Introduction to the Snow" by Miracle Musical.

I wasn't sure if to post it at all, after finishing it, but here I am.

Thank you Ralliston for crit!

Last edited on 11 Mar 2023 01:17 by Arcydziegiel Show more

FleshMaddAvalon 11 Mar 2023 01:15

This is legit pretty good! A nice start and concept. Come to me for crit next time, I see a couple grammar thingies.

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust

LAN 2D 12 Mar 2023 00:41

When seeing how short this was compared to your last work, I was interested to see how much substance this would have; what kind of story it would be.

And wow, after reading, it's really impressive just how much substance this has. You explore character in both the present and the past, with great descriptive language and an introspective narrator that that works very well with the questions you are posing to the audience. On that latter point, I enjoyed how this took a controversial/subversive perspective towards remembering a loved one, and made that into something beautiful. That final line is something you should be proud of, truly.

And here I am again, a year later, saying how much I'm looking forward to your next piece, be it Miracle Musical titled or not.