i don't tend to vibe all that much with pieces where the story is basically just a character espousing their philosophy at me, but this piece has enough strong imagery and compelling ideas attached to it that i can look past that.
Cleaning Out the Rooms / Discussion
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This may be my favourite work for the contest yet. This is set as an immortal describing how they keep themselves fresh and enthralled by the mere fact of existence — but for me, after I see that, I look deeper and find a message about how to climb from any mental pit, not just one spurred by immortality. Finding ways to enjoy simple life things again, noticing the colour and texture of the bathroom wall, the number of pickets in a fence and the army of ladybugs that march down the roses, stripping them clean before they fly away. This is sincerely a Team Common story — and I adore it. It fills the niche, and extends beyond, like a potato running roots out from the fridge and, upon finding light, changing cell types and bursting into green frills and leaves. But I am getting ahead of myself. This work is beautiful — it gives messages, and then more, and describes a thought experiment, and enjoys an application to life when all the world seems but dreary. And the prose, by the way, is excellent too — I thought I would not like it, due to the formatting, but I found myself wrong when I enjoyed it immensely and craved more while also being satiated. If I could, I would upvote twice. This tastes like hearty, well-spiced pasta with plenty of mushrooms and homemade sauce. I adore.
-Styg
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
Formula:
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
| Score | Area | Comments |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Imagery | Very good, if subtle. I like the references to the stars, and blossoms. Wonderfully done. |
| 6 | Theme | Man, this one really gets you thinking. There's a certain mournfulness to it. Wonderfully fitting the themes of the common! |
| 5 | Flow | Decent flow! Kept me hooked, even when I wanted to look away. It's a bit of a slow burn, being only dialogue, but I liked the meat it did present in the form of philosophy. |
| 5 | Format | I liked how you interwove the narrative of this Wandswoman's life into her speech. Its really well done, actually. I would have maybe broke up the paragraphs less than you did, but that's just me. |
| Total: 21 |
Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.
Really solid entry. I liked how you mixed these motion bits in between the wandswoman's speech, which really help the pacing of the article. Her speech is also really damn good; it really sparks this sense of wonder, of curiosity of both mundane and rare. The theme really nails both the team of the 'common team' as well as of the contest as a concept, which I really liked.
Easy +1~
This was really good! The text boxes are a great visual tool to break up what is essentially a monologue which stopped this from ever feeling too long-winded.
The descriptions here are like, really vivid. Lines like "A thick, leathery layer of metaphysical scar tissue blinded me like a cataract." are just great.
Also, if the title is a reference to the Sea Power song of the same name, then I would also award you points for good taste :)
This was excelent. Really well done, and is one of those pieces that really makes you think when you finish it. The prose was written well and the language used was great, I could even visualize the scenery.
I simply loved it!
Well well well. You know, I'm something of a Wandsmen fan myself. That, of course, is one of the reasons I'm upvoting, but this goes beyond my personal tastes: the piece is solid, a delicious monologue, and I enjoy immortals reflecting on immortality. It's always great to see more people contributing to that trope and even including some less-known SCP GOIs into the WL.
I definitely grate against stories that end with an exact telling of the theme, I think it’s almost always better for things to be more vague, but since this is framed as a lecture that’s not so bad here. Your descriptions make this piece, I really do feel like the Wandswoman has seen common objects in a new light. Styg’s interpretation of the deeper themes here is right on point for me as well. Very nice job!
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