+1
Oh, this was so enjoyable to read! As someone who loves eating as well as cooking, this hit really hard. And Cara is a really interesting character! I wish to know more about them
Excelent work!
Lesson One: Manifeasto / Discussion
Forum
» Per Page Discussion / Per page discussions
» Lesson One: Manifeasto
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Lesson One: Manifeasto.
Cary is a character I've been playing with for awhile. They're even the narrator fir a fantasy cookbook I'm writing! And they'll appear in more of my work too. So stay tuned!
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
"I am Cary, Chef of the Cosmos, Pursuer of Spices, Butcher of All, They/Them."
One of my favourites for the contest thus far. I will say it first, rather than at the end: This work tastes like itself. It tastes like hot beef and on-the-verge-of-caramelizing onions and sweet rice stewed in the juices of the food that came before it and the heady aroma of fats and cooking grease and vodka and a near-theology of history and philosophy of religion and psychology of food between species and planes of existence. It is uplifting, it is informational, it is gorgeously written. It is what I love. The characters carry (see the title for one of my favourite lines), the message is simple and extremely effective, and I think I will make something for dinner tonight involving salmon from the just-returned fishing fleet and some onions from the student yard. Bon appetit.
-Styg
P.S.: I love how the colour of the text is approximately that of cooked beef. Clever!
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
Unfold
"I am Cary, Chef of the Cosmos, Pursuer of Spices, Butcher of All, They/Them." by 
Stygian Blue, 13 Mar 2023 00:57
Re: "I am Cary, Chef of the Cosmos, Pursuer of Spices, Butcher of All, They/Them."
Yes, I love beef!
I am genuinely proud of this piece. It took some time, a lot of polishing to ensure it's at its best. I plan on doing a lot more like it, especially with the character of Cary, but in a way that shows of the more "Butcher of All" part of their name. You genuinely made me happy with your comment. I wish you well on your tour- Cary will be back for another lesson soon.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
You already know how I feel about this piece from what I said when critting your draft, but it's worth repeating that this makes me feel hungry. Hearty, nourishing +1.
Beef Broth to feed the Writers Soul, yknow. I just really like food, it's so good to cook and serve and feed. It's perhaps the ultimate form of expressive art- something so beautiful, created with such care, gone in a few chews, and made into an entirely different form. It is the very ultimate expression of affection- hours of effort,just to satisfy someone and make their tongue happy. It's beautiful.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
Formula:
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
| Score | Area | Comments: |
|---|---|---|
| 7 | Imagery | I can literally smell this work. Fuck. |
| 6 | Theme | Spot on, my friend. Spot on. Not much else to say: what is more common than food? |
| 5 | Flow | Good! Keeps the reader engaged in the piece; the first person perspective really helps this! |
| 4 | Format | I like the color of the text: flavorful. There are some SPaG oddities sprinkled throughout, but nothing too damning. |
| Total: 22 |
Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.
Wow, I feel so privileged to be numbered. I can't describe how happy it makes me when I hear I made someone hungry or that I made their sensory brain light up. It's a mix of my two favorite things, cooking and writing, and I'm overjoyed I pulled it off.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
I'd like to thank everyone who crit my work- your input was invaluable, and helped me make my first post here a banger.
Also, a slight correction pointed out by my mom. I implied it was clear that the onions had a small sticker on them marking the stove they came from. I've since been informed that this system isn't used in all grocery stores (and would most likely not be used in the future). So a small correction I'd rather not damage the flow of the story for.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
This made me hungry.
I always love learning about different cultures and how they affect the world, and this definitely scratches that itch. I dislike second-person narration, but your focus on detail made sure it never pulled me out of the story.
This seems like it wasn't meant to take place on Earth, so why not include some ingredients from cultures across the cosmos? Of, course, I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that kind of world-building for such a short article.
Also, I believe you have a typo:
They smell their meal, the alcohol now boiled away and adding to the sticky sauce in the bottom of the pain.
Unless I'm misreading it, pain should be pan.
All in all, great article. +1
Of course Cary will be talking about other cultures! I'm desperately excited to do so, in fact. Cary is a character from a project I did about a year ago where I tried to dissect each DnD being into the bits someone could cook with and craft with. I've since abandoned it, but Cary seemed like the perfect character to rise from the ashes of yet another failed bit of homebrew.
The pan of pain! Yes, that is a mistake. Sadly.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
An amazing piece. It's just perfect, yeah: Love the way our chef character guides the cooking through these history lessons, teaching that all of these ingredients are important, that they collide together on this microcosm that we call our lives. And so, the smallest parts form a full, all the ingredients form a perfect dish. Man, what a good meal this one was.
I love cooking and history, so everything this piece says resonates with me a fair amount, but even past this there's just a lot to bite into and I gotta stop the food metaphors. That's Styg's territory.
Anyhow, an amazing article, easy +1~
It's very clear that I LOVE food metaphors and long winded lectures be intelligentsia. It's somewhat based on a speech my culinary art teacher gave in class one day, with a little bit of added fantasy. I intended it to be an example of how so many cultures can be contained in one meal, and I'm really happy I succeeded.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
/forum/t-15736698/lesson-one:manifeasto#post-