thank you to prommy for looking at this
Rarer Still / Discussion
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So proud of you for citing your image sources Roundeliosis
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
This is quite the entry! It's a little too blatant about being on the rare side for my liking (not blatant, precisely, but open about it — constantly repeating, "The rare thing about this is…" or "This is rare because…"), but it is delicious nevertheless. Love me a good space work. I appreciate the subversion of expectations as to what precisely why they were going to space — I thought they were going to the ISS, then to the Moon, then Mars, and then, well… that's quite the rare thing, isn't it? Voyager 3: Human Edition. Delicious stuff, definitely the right thing for this contest. A little lean world-wise, but that's fine by me, especially considering the format and length of the work. This work, in short, tastes like frozen fudge. Lickable, biteable, brainfreezeable. Yummy. Wonderful stuff!
-Styg
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
That's fair; I wasn't really feeling given to subtlety, but I understand it might be a bit too on-the-nose for some people. Thank you for the read!
WE HAVE A ROCKETSHIT AND WE GO REALLY FAR AWAY CROSSING THROUGH THE SKY LITTLE EINSTEI-
Not to inflate your already big bubble of a writer's ego (/j) but this entry was fenomenal.
It was shorter than what I'd hope and really to the point, as Styg said, but the inner monologue and the visuals are amazingly well done. I imagined how the character felt and honestly, for a second I felt overwhelmed about the vastness of space.
The open ending works really well to add an extra sense of curiosity and dread, and the images are really good!
Nice job friend ^^ now take the +1 and write more for this site god-fucking-dammit
Re: WE HAVE A ROCKETSHIT AND WE GO REALLY FAR AWAY CROSSING THROUGH THE SKY LITTLE EINSTEI-
IM TRYING
I will take the L here for running the numbers more than I should, but this entry really hits everything I could ever want from a space story. This is what I hope to be able to write someday.
Beautiful imagery, interesting premise and good character work. I really like space works, specially those that acknowledge its vastness, and this didnt disapoint.
The article didnt waste any word, and in its short duration has managed to not just express its themes, but do so in a way that feels natural. The repetitions of certain segments like "rarer still" only serving to further drive its point
Honestly i hope to someday write something as good as this
I'm escaping, to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism... SPACE!
Formula:
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
I will be rating your work's aptitude on several factors using a scale of 1 to 7; with 1 being the lowest rating, and 7 being the highest.
Then, I will take the added scores from each area. If the total score is above 18, it will earn a +. If the total score is below 18, it will earn a -. If the score is exactly 18, it will earn a novote.
| Score | Area | Comments: |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Imagery | So solid it's enviable. I wanted more, though. Maybe jut more words. |
| 3 | Theme | I just can't reconcile the "rarer still" repetitions. I understand what you were going for, but it comes off as just too blunt for me. Not in a good way. Not in a character to reader bluntness, but an author to reader bluntness. And that just makes the reader feel as if the author is beating them over the head with the point of the story, and all subtly is lost. |
| 6 | Flow | Just inches from perfect. Sometimes, perhaps due to how skinny the story is, it is interrupted. |
| 7 | Format | This is incredibly well done. The prose exceeds expectations even for you (which is saying something). I could rant on and on about how good it is, but I will instead state that what the others have said is reflected in me: I wanna write as good as you. |
| Total: 22 |
Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.
Sue me if you will, but all I can think of for imagery in this is the depiction of Rounderhouse by SCP-Explained. /hj
I honestly really like this story, it creates an almost feeling of suspense. It makes me want to read a part 2, I want to explore this story more. I think it would be even better if the images would load for me.(The computer I'm typing this on is a very crappy maybe 4gb of RAM old laptop, although if I looked at it with basically anything else it would work.)
Overall I think this fits the theme very well!
-DL
Definitely not the ending I was expecting. I would have liked a bit more buildup to that plot twist, but it did not in any way take from the experience of reading something wonderful written by the Round One.
When I left home for college, I looked at my house as I drove away, and my parents in the driveway waving goodbye. I cried a little bit, not because I was leaving, but because it overwhelmed me that no matter how far I went, I could always come back to this place, to my home, and know I would be loved.
I don’t cry now. I know I’m never coming back.
Star-struck +1.
/forum/t-15749419/rarer-still#post-