Lullaby Of Lavender Lapidary / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Lullaby Of Lavender Lapidary.

Spoddetman 02 Jun 2023 05:07

I love the idea behind this and I certainly enjoy what you were going for here, but the execution fell flat for me. The verse feels haphazard and without a real pattern, and the delivery feels a bit too on the nose too soon for the creepiness to effectively work. That being said, this is gonna earn a -1 from me. I'm eager to see you improve!

Stygian Blue 02 Jun 2023 15:19

What a sweet little thing. Short enough that the idea has space to thrive without being dwarfed by its encasements, a seedling unfurling from its shell in a pot meant for a tree — the idea is small and the work is small too, and it did not outstay its welcome. The purple theme is a nice touch, and the worldbuilding is simple and small enough to not overshadow the rest of the work. I say simple and small to describe this work, not for punishment or scorn but because sometimes works and ideas are small and that is what they must be, and does not convey worth or describe a foul thing: large ideas can sometimes be too grandiose to be of any merit, and some small ideas are worth so much they have poetry and novels written about them to this day — love, a story about dragons, a mountain climbed or a ship sailed as a metaphor for progress through life. I liked the emergency broadcast — it anchored and helped us place where the narrative happened. This tastes like a bay leaf: alone and examined on its own it is bland and crinkly, but placed into soup and considered as a whole it is a delight. Well done.

-Styg

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

Last edited on 02 Jun 2023 15:20 by Stygian Blue Show more