Crit Request: Intracranial Snowfall

Summary:

A continuation from Tizita All the Way Down.

Crit Request: Intracranial Snowfall

AKAM80 05 Sep 2023 00:37

Howdy! It's been a bit in the making, mostly because I've juggled it with other pieces that at the time could have potentially been in this one's place.

This is a continuation of the story started with Tizita All the Way Down. The goal is dual: give a glimpse into what Frostgnawed (formerly: Boogie) camps are like and begin introducing a new intrigue for the future. I also promise that this isn't nearly as long as Tizita is.

+ Brief rundown of necessary details for those unfamiliar

- Takes place on a rogue planet, the sun disappeared and no one knows why, the aboveground is a frozen wasteland
- Most people live underground near the geothermal activity of the planet
- Frostgnawed, named such by the remnants because of how much damage frostbite has done to them, live aboveground in small groups. They are typically deranged, the stress of surviving, isolation, and general damage to the body having worn down their minds. The damage they inflict on one another only serves to perpetuate the madness.
- They used to be called Boogies, but I've decided to change that while the project is young because I don't like the name "Boogie," it's too stupid.

Of course, I'd love some general crit, but I have a few specific questions too:

1. Is backstory presented near the end placed well? Do you think it should go somewhere else or be formatted differently?
2. Is there intrigue created by how the story ends? Do you feel like you want to know the answers after reading it or is it just confusing and stupid?
3. Does there need to be more meat on the story's bones? Is it too hollow?

Thank you for your time!

Sandbox link: located in the second tab set, under "Intracranial Snowfall."

Last edited on 12 Sep 2023 14:12 by AKAM80 Show more