Crit request: The Guardian of Revolution

Crit request: The Guardian of Revolution

A Dream Bus 01 Oct 2023 12:31

I believe that, even though the whole saga is incomplete, this version can still stand on its own. I just want critique on the weight of SCP reference in the project, though any critique would be welcomed.
http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/the-guardian-of-revolution#

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SCP FOUNDATION is not one without its social issues. I am here to help these problems be resolved. Peace may be upon you, D-class and scientists, armed forces and chairmen.

Re: Crit request: The Guardian of Revolution

NotAnOligarch 04 Oct 2023 13:54

Alright, here it be! Served up and hog-tied, set upon a platter and garnished with crisp lettuce.

AUGH

One question I need to ask, this SCP interjected into the piece is original, right? I would assume so but wanted to check that it was yours.
I really enjoy how you weave the SCP article into the piece, and there aren't many problems I can see prose-wise: it's not bad!

Beati pauperes spiritu, for they shall create Heaven.

As anyone who knows me well knows, I am a Latin-fiend. This is an interesting phrase and a highlight of the piece for me.

Now usually I'd go on and talk about themes and warrants and whatnot but there's a glaring issue that this piece presents that sorta supersedes them. On the WL, we don't usually accept pieces with the format of the SCP wiki. This would do better as a format screw over on their side of things, and would not work on this site.
Thanks!
—Oli

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Last edited on 04 Oct 2023 14:03 by NotAnOligarch Show more

Re: Crit request: The Guardian of Revolution

A Dream Bus 04 Oct 2023 15:11

The SCP is original.
As about the format of the Foundation that occupies a fair share of the project, the idea is to present the story with a polyprismatic analysis - so their view is actually needed, as the Serpents interfere with them.
Anyway, thanks.

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SCP FOUNDATION is not one without its social issues. I am here to help these problems be resolved. Peace may be upon you, D-class and scientists, armed forces and chairmen.