chest cavity (the star) / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page chest cavity (the star).

author post

(account deleted) 03 Oct 2023 14:41

hi.

i have returned from the grave to post my anthology piece. this was the first poem i ever wrote for wl. it is about feelings that i have been working on for some time now, and it no longer reflects my self-perception to the extent that it used to. be that as it may, i hope that you enjoy it for what it is.

this is not a "return" in any way; i completed this work long before i made the decision to leave, and this is just fulfilling the last part of my commitment. i will disappear again shortly. i hope that you are well.

thank you to stygian blue, tyumen, and floorboards for critique. special thanks to styg for the art accompaniment.

Last edited on 03 Oct 2023 14:44 by (account deleted) Show more

Stygian Blue 03 Oct 2023 15:19

delicious work, delicious theme. I said my part just under a year ago — clean, delicious, invigorating. Reminds me of myself. Taste of a broken tooth. Tongue pokes at it.

-Styg

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

Rounderhouse 03 Oct 2023 16:50

Brutally relatable, wickedly identifiable. Very good.

NotAnOligarch 03 Oct 2023 17:34

This piece is sad. Really, horribly sad. It is reeking of sorrow, self-hatred, realism. Horrifyingly relatable. This has shown me things about myself that even I did not recognize. Well done, incredibly well done. +1

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Last edited on 03 Oct 2023 17:35 by NotAnOligarch Show more

Maxyfran73 03 Oct 2023 20:39

Oof. Yeah, this one's harsh, and raw, and hits notes that I can see my reflection on, and I don't like that lmao

Excellent little piece that is really, really good. +1

(account deleted) 04 Oct 2023 17:41

I dunno. I don’t get why this is in verse. The way this is written, I subconsciously ended up skipping the line breaks entirely and reading it as one long run-on sentence. I tried rereading this but I just couldn’t get into the groove. Not for me.

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- Whammo!

Last edited on 04 Oct 2023 17:42 by (account deleted) Show more

Ah yes

FleshMaddAvalon 29 Oct 2023 22:53

Ah yes
Hello dear friend
We sit upon our end
Dreading, hoping
Entire body moping

Let's not digress
From the keys to my distress
We sit upon the rubicon
Expecting ourselves to be forever gone
Thank you for this unfiltered peek
Within the tattered soul I use all week

Thank you for this momentary Iblis
This peak at my own mind
And all the troubles I will not miss
When I release my shackles
And indulge in bliss

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust

Its a Bad Idea 07 Oct 2024 05:52

There's a moment halfway through where the tempo sort of breaks and spirals, and I see how that's painfully relevant to the meaning of the poem, but I almost wish it retained some of that structure from the beginning? I don't know, I found myself really liking the blend of surrealism going on there, only to have that fizzle out towards the end. Still, it's a very vulnerable piece, and one I can respect.