Stygian Blue Scales / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Stygian Blue Scales.

FleshMaddAvalon 12 Oct 2023 19:49

Big shoutout to Akhlys and lzhoudidion for their wonderful crit contributions! Very happy to get out my first part four onto the site.

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust

Last edited on 12 Oct 2023 19:50 by FleshMaddAvalon Show more

NotAnOligarch 13 Oct 2023 03:46

this stygian sure is blue or something idk I never met 'em

This is good work. Some weird formatting choices but nothing damning and that's really biased of me so… yeah good job (yes I made this post for the joke yes im sorry yes its a good work though kk by lova ya)

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

daviiid 13 Oct 2023 10:58

This isn't the kind of thing I like to downvote for, so I won't, but this feels like it needed at least another round of proofreading to be ready for posting. There's a lot of minor errors like its vs. it's, switching of present vs. past tense mid-sentence and some formatting that isn't working (you've got a set of hashtags in front of a sentence that I'm pretty sure isn't intended to be like that.) There's also quite a few sentences where either the grammatical structure or the choice of wording made the action hard to follow for me, and while I'm hardly the guy to tell anyone how to structure their prose I think this could have benefited from a once-over to make sure it's evocative instead of confusing.

Also, this is another personal gripe, but with this theme the desaturated purple text is very hard to read and if nothing else I'd recommend changing it to a color that doesn't blend into the background quite as much.

Yup

FleshMaddAvalon 13 Oct 2023 12:49

Yeah I think I'm just going to remove the theme altogether. If I have to choose, I'll go for the text colorization to delineate character changes. And give it a fourth pass for grammar when I get home! Thanks for your input. o7

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust