For your very first story, this is a shining example of storytelling.
First, let me get to what I found to not work that well, as it is not that much. Some say that the opening line can make or break a story. This may be exaggerated but I admittedly found your opening a bit cliché. I feel like I've seen this 'where do I begin, oh yeah' often enough and it feels a bit boring. It's also never explained who actually listens to that story. Is it me as a direct audience? How did that come about? Is it another character?
One additional thing: At the beginning, the character says he's a necromancer. In the end, though, he says he's no longer a necromancer. That appears to be a logical error. By the time he tells the story, he's not one anymore already.
Perhaps some more info on Julia Williams. There was not much to go by and her death made her appear somewhat stupid, besides her description and attitude implying something more interesting was going on. It's never fully explained where those scars came from and why she behaves the way she does. A missed chance, in my opinion.
With that out of the way, I think you managed to tell an interesting story in a short time. With the second paragraph, the story begins to become interesting. You manage to make that character sound realistic with relative ease, showing he knows about the social stigma, his lecture on the misconceptions he encounters so often, showing his reaction to his failure and you even give him a complete character development by him dropping out of that business and reconnecting with his son. All this also builds a believable world, as you mention social contexts and the inner workings of such rituals. It is easy to bring in too much or not enough detail to accomplish this, and I'd say you've done well here.
Your prose is also very respectable. A bit blunt at times, but as this is direct speech, it works well. For example:
- "things Man Was Not Meant To Know" is an example of realistic speech,
- "I've never really believed that necromancers go to Hell, but I could find it in my heart to believe it now." made me think 'yeah, that's one of those random thoughts you can have even in the most dire situations.
I also like the mystery in this story. It was alluded to that something was off quite fast, but the protagonist tells us that this shouldn't have happened regardless. I kinda wanna know what went down there.
Which is to say I'd definitely read a follow-up story - given you stick to the standard you proved you can fulfill quite well.
This is a good first story - This is some good worldbuilding - This is a +1.
Welcome to the Library.
- Nylo
