Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

Summary:

aka: 4-in-one character study. 837 words

Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

fora-mina 20 Oct 2023 01:56

http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/foramina

Hey wlers. I wrote a character-focused piece featuring 4 of my ocs and 1 secret 5th thing (already existing character with my own spin).

Requests:
How do I put extra empty lines between each section in the code? I want there to be more space to give a sense of separation and isolation and for it to act as a visual block, focusing on one character before moving onto the next.

Also, how is the piece in the general sense? How well does each mini-section fit into the whole?

Any other comments are welcome.

Re: Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

FleshMaddAvalon 20 Oct 2023 02:07

Imho this works extremely well as a four part character study. It's short, snappy, shows off each character extremely well, and demonstrates your skill at characterization with very little text. I can already tell a lot from these characters just by what you have here, and frankly I'm excited to see more.
And for extra id suggest a line break
"--" without the quotation marks should do the trick. This is yet another very good piece of art from you.

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I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust

Re: Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

fora-mina 20 Oct 2023 02:12

That's great! Is there anything specific you learned from just these snippets? Any character is fine

Re: Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

FleshMaddAvalon 20 Oct 2023 13:34

I really love Ren has lived a seemingly desolate life but has hope for the future in the library. I feel like that's one of the overarching thems, hope for the future. It's really well shown that all of these characters have a future- it's like a trailer for a movie but far better.

---

I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust

Re: Crit Request: The Cave Master, the Pool, the Green Snake, and the Lighter

Skipmeister 20 Oct 2023 09:58

Just read this, I liked it a lot! Four distinct characters with different stories yet they all tie together, whether through a loose continuity or through similar themes. I especially liked the first part, where what is "normal" to him (even if very mysterious) is contrasted with how things are in the Wanderer's Library.

Great work overall!

- Skipmeister