The Chariot / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Chariot.

StrangerSwing 21 Oct 2023 22:05

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Pulling back, I tried to find the point of wasting precious time,
I sip and toast to normalcy, a fool's way into jealousy;
I mock and imitate goodbyes when I know that I can't deny,
That I'll be here forever-while.

Stygian Blue 22 Oct 2023 03:08

I remember critting this! It has come so far — absolutely stunning, delicious. Not glorying in a Gloves way, but cherishing in a Chariot way, and I like it. This work is quiet, in a loud sense. It smells like clean stainless steel with rust on the back.

-Styg

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

Maxyfran73 23 Oct 2023 09:49

Ugh, I'll never get used to fingernail removals. The squelching always resonates within something in my brain and it's icky and wet and also did I say icky?

Regardless, this is marvelous. The scene is simple, but the way you walk us through the torturer's mind is exquisite, and the writing superb. The ending was also not what I was expecting, but it gives that subtle hint of more that makes for a good ending that offers just enough of the unexpected to not just 'end' with the torture done, you know?

Anyhow, amazing piece. +1~

Spoddetman 24 Oct 2023 11:59

I can respect the vivid imagery and gripping prose here, but it feels like it was used to execute a flawed concept. To me, this feels like edge without much substance behind it. We all know what torture and sadism are, and this could have brought much more to the table. Reading this, I didn't feel that wonder and curiosity, morbid or not, that I'd come to expect from pieces on the Library. When I was finished, I was left disgusted but not quite satisfied. Maybe it's a matter of personal taste, but this earns a -1 from me. I do recognize the aforementioned good parts of this piece, and I hope I'll see more of that in your writing.

Best wishes,
Spoddette

NotAnOligarch 24 Oct 2023 13:20

On examination, I think I'll have to echo with Spoddetman. There's a lot about this piece that is good: even though I hate bodyhorror type gross stuff, I recognize it as a valid category. But there's something missing… there's not really a theme to this work. Which is not always bad, but it leaves much to be desired beyond "yuck".

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.