Wrote Some Stuff

Summary:

would appreciate some feedback, link to sandbox in post.

Wrote Some Stuff

Solshine 17 Mar 2016 15:55

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/solshine

There's only the one story in there right now, and it's not cohesively attached to any of the main sort of.. I dunno, world and things the library has.

I'm looking for critical feedback, be as harsh as you like.
Thanks in advance. :)

Last edited on 17 Mar 2016 15:56 by Solshine Show more

Re: Wrote Some Stuff

minmin 17 Mar 2016 23:26

If your mage is from the HRE, you'd expect him to speak some form of Italian (??? CITATION NEEDED), so the document would be a translated piece. In which case, names like the Otherworld and OtherGlyph seem a little out of place.

Other than that, it's a straightforward story - almost too straightforward. I don't feel drawn into the atmosphere of the world you're building here or the character, or what happens to him, which really doesn't provide much of a reading experience. Maybe it could stand to be longer/more detailed?

Re: Wrote Some Stuff

Solshine 18 Mar 2016 00:23

Thank you for the details, I'll have a think about it overnight then have a look again in the morning. I think you're right about it feeling too straightforward, but I'm still quite glad it's not immediately perceptible as a bad piece. :) Thanks again.