[Disclaimer: I’m a novice myself, so all of this is just my opinion and not based on academic consensus, no matter how confident I may sound.]
One of the strengths of prose poetry is that the brevity of a poem makes every word and line significant. In a longer piece, like a short story or novella, it is often a good idea to repeat the core concepts and themes to ensure that the reader knows that those details are important. With something like your piece, the reader assumes by default that each line is significant, so any information you want to convey only needs to be stated once. Repetition of specific words or phrases can provide its own meaning and significance, but generally speaking, a given event only needs to be described once.
As it is now, it is my opinion that some details in your work are repeated too often without actually providing more information. For example, take the lines:
“[My mother’s death] is something that my father had always resented me for”,
“her death; directly a consequence of her existence”,
“My father blamed me for the death of my mother”,
“To me, he lost his wife, his trophy, his Eve”,
and “In his mind, and eventually my own, I had killed her.”
These lines all say essentially the same thing, and I think you could give the same information in just one or two lines.
Otherwise, there are some grammatical oddities that probably came from the old-timey, somewhat biblical style of English you are using in this piece. If you are intentionally trying to depict the in-universe author as someone who would make writing mistakes, then go ahead and skip this paragraph. However, if you want your work to be more grammatically correct, there are some issues, such as the use of the word “thusly” and writing “facing I, my father” instead of “facing me, my father”. Overall this one is a minor complaint.
I hope to see a new and improved version of this work in the future! Looking forward to finding out about this character and his mysterious falling adventures!
