(Crit Request) - The Maestro and the Mine

Summary:

A songwriter takes total revenge on a particular, strange type of mugger. It backfires.

(Crit Request) - The Maestro and the Mine

TempestRaven 22 Jan 2024 21:52

I'm new to writing for the Library, would appreciate some critique. http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/tempestraven

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Q: Why is the Wanderer's Library the tallest building in the universe?
A: Because it has the most stories!

Re: (Crit Request) - The Maestro and the Mine

NotAnOligarch 23 Jan 2024 14:43

welcome newcomer,

Overall, this is an interesting idea. But right now, that's all it feels like: an idea. I would like to see this fleshed out. I can see promise in the prose, but it is overall far too 'to the point'. It feels like a description of a thing that happened (which is much more SCP's thing) more than a story. Right now there's no plot, character development, or even much setting.

Plot: try to expound upon the frame you've built here. A wall needs plaster, bricks, insulation, and paint. You have the bones of a house, but not something livable. Your foundation (theme) might use some work as well. What are you trying to tell the reader? Something about being helpless and then taking back control? Revenge good actually? Try to address how these bombs were made. Try to address how the song was made. Try to address the cogntiohazardous effects. Explain, expound, and weave these into the theme.

Character: This one's easy. Who is this Bernie Hills? What's he like? Why does he make music the way he does? etc.

Setting: You don't need specifics, but keep it in mind. Where is it taking place, and moreover how. When? Why? Are there outside influences? Second guess and explain every choice you make.

PM me if you need anything else (I will eventually respond I promise), or if you want another look on a further draft, or if you want more resources for the piece or anything at all. Happy writing!
-Oli

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Last edited on 23 Jan 2024 14:43 by NotAnOligarch Show more

Re: (Crit Request) - The Maestro and the Mine

TempestRaven 23 Jan 2024 17:55

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

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Q: Why is the Wanderer's Library the tallest building in the universe?
A: Because it has the most stories!