A Song, a Bomb, and a Cognitohazard / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Song, a Bomb, and a Cognitohazard.

zipzipskins 24 Jan 2024 04:51

I really want to like this — the concept is interesting of its own accord, and the style is direct and readable. Unfortunately, I feel like it's held back by its formatting (makes it very challenging to approach, with a strong feeling of two big paragraphs) and by feeling hurried and underdeveloped. The piece feels a bit bony. There isn't quite the substance I'm after, but the creativity is there. Conflicted enough to novote for now.

Stygian Blue 24 Jan 2024 17:51

Bit mild for my spice-enthused, flavour-craving tongue, but good. Reads like a doctor who episode whose synopsis has been written up as part of blog. Tumblr, maybe. Neat idea. I want more — fleshier, maybe. Your pho has no meat! No noodles! Broth is good, and you made it stellar, but I want fillings too. Soup is not broth and greens alone, except for soups which are indeed just that. Good work, +1, but I am hungry. Feed me, not water me, next time. Ciao, and good eating!

-Styg, still hungry but belly sated, paradoxically

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What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

NotAnOligarch 24 Jan 2024 20:25

I'm inclined to agree with zip here, novote. I still think the concepts I mentioned in my critique are lacking, and lacking enough to severely knee-cap an otherwise interesting concept. But a concept needs a flesh-mech to walk around in.

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Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Snapdragon133 26 Feb 2024 20:10

I ultimately agree with the criticisms from Zip and Oligarch, I feel like you could've done a lot more with this, but as a flash fiction piece I appreciate it. It's a great, believable concept, horrifying, and you waste no time in hitting me with what you got. Perhaps you could've wasted a bit of time tho. Ultimately I enjoyed myself though, so I will be upvoting