Thanks to TopHatBionicle for their help with crit.
Just a tale about perspective, I suppose
Sincerely
Freezer
This has the same problems as when I reviewed it in Discord—none of these ideas are developed; instead they're just shotgunned as being considered at various points of the narrator's life, then rejected for reasons that don't really follow. There's not really a clear connection between these ideas either, so it doesn't come across as refining an idea over time. The last bit just seems to come out of nowhere.
And this is subjective but the narrator comes across like an Internet atheist from the early 2000s. They're openly scornful of people and dismissive but their logic either doesn't follow or is really easy to poke holes in. This is a problem because you've created something that depends entirely on the strength of the concept behind it; there's nothing else to it after all. We don't get a sense of the narrator's character beyond 'really wants to know what a god is and thinks the masses are sheeple.'
none of these ideas are developed; instead they're just shotgunned as being considered at various points of the narrator's life, then rejected for reasons that don't really follow. There's not really a clear connection between these ideas either, so it doesn't come across as refining an idea over time.
Because it isn't meant to be more refined over time. This is a tale about shifting perspective over time. That doesn't necessitate the same exact thing being refined over time.
The last bit just seems to come out of nowhere.
That's the narrator coming to the conclusion that there are some things beyond their comprehension
They're openly scornful of people and dismissive but their logic either doesn't follow or is really easy to poke holes in.
I'm not sure where you're getting scornful or dismissive from. Not once are they openly contemptuous or derisive of anyone.
Sincerely
Freezer
I'm not sure where you're getting scornful or dismissive from. Not once are they openly contemptuous or derisive of anyone.
He calls the masses 'sheeplike,' which basically read like him calling them sheeple. But that's really just what cements the impression—because he just kind of dismisses the answers he's given, often using flimsy logic, it makes him come off as dismissive even when he's not saying, 'this person is a moron.' It comes off like despite him asking people "What is a god?" he's not actually seriously engaging with anything they tell him.
He calls the masses 'sheeplike,' which basically read like him calling them sheeple
They do indeed call them that, yes. But the next paragraph has them rejoining the masses, implying they've dropped that view
because he just kind of dismisses the answers he's given, often using flimsy logic, it makes him come off as dismissive even when he's not saying, 'this person is a moron.' It comes off like despite him asking people "What is a god?" he's not actually seriously engaging with anything they tell him.
They never actually outright dismiss anything. Several times it's mentioned that the views they're given are simultaneously right and wring. They also mention how the answers given they're usually satisfied with when given them.
Sincerely
Freezer