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I've had this idea in my head for some time.
This is my first entry into the Library, though I've been active on the SCP Wiki for a bit now.
Going from one con into another was certainly an interesting time, but I hope folks enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
Edit: A considerable edit has taken place, so I hope folks enjoy the read.
Huh! I enjoyed this, though I did not think I would. I am typically adverse to prose broken into single sentences — strewn like salt over the shoulder (for fortune, mind you!) But your prose is excellent, not dry in the slightest — it serves its purpose and then has sprinkles atop — and the pacing is delicious too, a wonderful jaunt. I adore how much is said in so little, with the land of fae and all the worldbuilding done. The first section, I will admit (the duo of nonitalics and then italics) did not catch me, and I skimmed it rather quickly. But the transformation into stone caught me, and then the rest followed once I was hooked like a leviathan to an unknowing fisher's channel. Adore the stone. Adore war done by people being told to do something and not even questioning whether it is right, because you have been told to do so. And adore that though the age of magic is gone, the land of fae remains. Your characters are short and a little stale, perhaps bitten into before I had the chance to even see them, but thickened immediately as they touch water. Like sponges already full of soap seeing a rainstorm for the first time, or dried lotus seeds immersed in a stagnant but oxygen-rushing pool of koi and algae and mulm. Well done! I imagine that the form will make some others' skin bristle, as it did mine feathers, but fear not: your work is wonderful. Welcome to the WL!
(P.S.: there are some spag issues that bit a little)
-Styg
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
Welcome to the Wanderer's Library! Nice to see another author joining us. With that out of the way, let's talk about the piece. I don't think it worked for me as intended. The single-sentence lines grated a bit as Styg mentioned, but my main criticism relates to the apparent gravity and depth of the story. It feels like events in the story pass too fast for readers like me to get invested, to find a reason to care about what's happening. To me, it doesn't carry the gravitas and impact that I think you intended. Despite that, it's not a bad story, and certainly better than most first-time entries. I'll have to give this a novote, along with encouragement to keep writing and refining your piece.
The strong point of this for me as the longer, more traditional prose interludes — I thought they did a surprisingly good amount of heavy lifting in terms of character and vibe, and this burgeoning relationship between our protagonist and Magdalense. Unfortunately, I found the article didn't really do much to turn it into anything but a burgeoning relationship — we're introduced to our guy in the midst of this war, shit happens, it goes bad, and then it's kind of over, and I don't think the single-sentence sections are particularly strongly-written. Really there's just not enough here to engage me, the ideas just seem like kind of traditional fantasy and the narrative is threadbare and doesn't really go anywhere.
i have to admit that this one took me a long time to get to despite being the first post because just looking at the formatting is a real struggle for me. this is a personal thing, but i don't think i'm alone here — i want to get lost in the flow of words, get swept away in a stream of your narrative, catch your emotions, build into your characters, but when a piece is formatted this way it becomes a challenge for me. i am continually reminded i am reading words on a screen and taken out of the moment. it's a very bumpy and somewhat unpleasant ride, and one which the piece, regardless of where we are in the timeline, never really shakes. i think the prose is inconsistent too, but the parts that shine (as rounder mentions above, particularly in the interludes) are quite strong. i also agree with the previous comments about not being given enough time to latch onto the characters. all that being said, i don't think the concept is bad, and i think the piece takes on enough emotional investment and vibe by the end that i'm tipped into novoting. i think some polish, some fleshing out, and maybe rethinking the formatting could do the (really strong) bones of the idea a lot of good.
Personal ComboCon Reading Progress: #8
I think the concepts here are very strong, but the story itself ends up feeling very shallow. I enjoy the perspective of this character a lot, but everything else feels kinda surface level. You would probably do well to engage in more showing rather than telling. I'd like to see Materia, the Fae, and the Ruudashi, the sort of expeditions the protagonist goes on using the Avaliun, and/or the current life of the protagonist. The way it's told now, it's just not as interesting as I know it easily could be.
Additionally, the reveal of Titanic Tin Soldier at the end doesn't feel that earned to me. Right before it, you describe the Avaliun as made of stone and steel, and the other areas it's only referred to as metal. I believe this title drop needs to be built up much more - for one example: why tin? What about stone and tin are so good against the Fae and the Ruudashi? You should take a crack at rewriting this. If you do, please let me know because I'd love to give it another shot
An interesting piece, but it feels like it's missing a lot. All the lore bits go by too fast, making the overall experience feel rushed, and by the end, I can't say I particularly cared about any of the characters present. This definitely needs more time in the oven; the overall structure is interesting, but the story presented here doesn't feel engaging.
-1
