https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_nuclear_waste_warning_messages
Happy Combocon! As always, many thanks to my invaluable critters, Zipzipskins and Styg!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_nuclear_waste_warning_messages
Happy Combocon! As always, many thanks to my invaluable critters, Zipzipskins and Styg!
Nice little work. Clean and very Rain World — I imagine slugcats doing this. Hunter got turbocancer in this work too, it seems! Do wish the ending were more drawn-out — it still seems in a hurry to reach the finish line. And I wonder what the work would have been like had the Monolith been more thickly described — in the beginning, I thought it a giant obelisk like a skyscraper before understanding around the middle that it was a black-toothed recession in the desert. Otherwise, god stuff. The prose is simple and straightforward and dreams are few, and this serves the work as it does. Tastes like rice and soy sauce and thinly sliced Spam (I wonder why I can feel my blood in my veins).
-Styg
What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?
Though I echo Styg's suggestion of making the Monument more richly described, I can only shower you with praise for a very good story with sinister implications. You had me guessing for a few moments if the rods were actually radioactive — and in retrospect it's a bit obvious — but the way you frame it, the unfortunate innocence of the main characters and their inability to comprehend the horror they have just unleashed, makes up for it. That one last line absolutely seals the deal for me. Great work. A most deserved +1 for you.
Finally commenting.
This was grand. A genuinely inventive tale that embodies both curiosity and terror. The twist, one I may have seen before, was well done in your hands. You bought your all to this and it definitely shows. The ending could've been a taaad longer but I think the overall quality makes up for it! Glad to see you throwing hands for the con.
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
really enjoyable stuff. i knew what was going on from the beginning — as someone with a morbid, incessant fascination with all things adjacent to radioactivity, the radioactive phenomena and nuclear semiotics are very familiar to me — but the way you write caused me to repeatedly forget that i had it all figured out and delight me all over again with it when i was reminded. your prose is very clear and you build a compelling society and relatable characters in such a short time. excellent work.
+1
this is good. i scrolled down to the bottom of the page to feel the heft and see how long it was and accidentally spoiled the entire thing for myself before i read it lol, so my read-through was tainted. but it's good despite that. i think the premise is… a little hokey, but not necessarily in a bad way. it reminds me of wild and sort of silly vintage sci fi like Planet of the Apes, that kind of stuff that people dont really make anymore. that's just the premise, though. the writing itself is solid as rock and i was really pleasantly surprised. with a concept as straightforward and twist-reliant as this i didn't have very high expectations but despite being spoiled and knowing the whole Deal ahead of time, i read the entire thing and it was easy to do. your prose is trimmed, sharp, efficient, kinetic, and dense in a good way. you have a firm and confident grasp of diction and flow that took me way, way longer to attain than it's taken you. no part of reading this was a pain in the ass. that sounds backhanded, but in my experience such a thing is actually really rare. it reminds me of my own writing and that's the biggest and best compliment i can give, because i am the greatest one, the king of all. well done spood
Very much agreed. I had a feeling of what the twist was pretty early on and that would've soiled the piece of it was wholly dependent on that twist, but it isn't — there's strong writing, strong prose, and really evocative imagery here that keep this interesting despite that. The prose is, as sludge said, razor-sharp and very incisive in a way that really echoes the sharpness and brutality of the monuments themselves — I don't know if that was a deliberate creative choice but it feels thematically relevant in an intentional way. Good stuff.
First piece I've read of yours. I really like your style - you know what works, and how to communicate information in a clear, concise, yet still poignant manner. I actually didn't mind the abruptness of the ending - it felt exactly as it was meant to be. The subtle worldbuilding hints that don't demand explanation, but just are, worked for me as well. I'll have to read more of your works now! Good job +1
Personal ComboCon Reading Progress: #6
As someone who is consistently rotating the nuclear waste disposal warnings around in my mind, as soon as I got a whiff of black desert spikes I had a feeling I knew what was going on. However, you did a really good job of consistently making me doubt myself then undoubt myself then doubt myself all over again. Your writing has a great undercurrent of regret that I picked up on and felt really satisfied with at the end. Additionally, I was afflicted with goosebumps when I read Red-Mountain-Sunlight's “Now we must go where you cannot follow, towards all we’ve been working for. Fear not, my friends, my colleagues, my sisters and brothers. We left as outcasts. We return as gods.” Really fantastic bit of dialogue there.
Definitely echoing more description of the Monument, it might be interesting to muddy the waters by showing how it's changed since humans have exited stage left? The ending could also be longer, but probably not too much longer - I like how it is currently quite a bit. Great job!
The dawning horror as I realised what this was is unnerving. It's matched though, by the excellent characters in this story. You can really get a good sense of this world, and of the people that live in it. Good stuff as usual.