Crit Request: Hurt and Reflection

Summary:

my first story, would love feedback of any kind!

Crit Request: Hurt and Reflection

killinkoolaid 28 Mar 2024 21:02

whelp, here it is!
not sure im satisfied with the ending entirely, i think it could be better but im racking my brain trying to figure out how. other than that, i hope this piece serves to be thought-evoking, or at the very least a good start on the WL. please beware of the content warning! (and if there's a better way for me to include that, please let me know as well)

Re: Crit Request: Hurt and Reflection

NotAnOligarch 03 Apr 2024 18:32

Wow! This is pretty spectacular

idk if this is still what you want critter but uh doing it anyway

Flittering torrid lights mercurial as much as they are indifferent to any life, be it primeval, contemporary, neoteric.

'Are as mercurial as much as they are'?

of "I'm not ready to go yet," or "just a little longer,"

Methinks that comma at the end should be a period

but otherwise I didn't notice anything else!! I see promise here: I like it. The words are obviously very intentional, which is good. I think it would do well, though its not quite my cuppa' tea style-wise. But it seems like a great piece, so who am I to judge. Maybe get a few others to doublecheck; sorry I haven't been very helpful here…

---

Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.

Last edited on 05 Apr 2024 16:46 by NotAnOligarch Show more