What it says on the tin.
Leftovers X Heat
Big thank yous to Eevee, LAN 2D, JTKC, and NotAnOligarch for crit
A Bit of a Mess / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Bit of a Mess.
A lot of effort was evidently put into this piece, but I still think it needed more time in the oven. There are a couple of what I presume are SPaG errors sprinkled throughout, but my main gripe is with the narrative and pacing. It moves far too fast, to the point where I can barely keep up with it as a reader. The awkward cuts to and from moments of exposition break the flow of the narrative, which I think needs a significant overhaul to connect up the disjointed points. Some parts shine, mostly the comedic aspects, but some of the humor reminds me of gross-out shock humor more than I would like. I think with major edits this concept could be improved and developed, and that's why I'm going to leave a -1.
I'm inclined to agree — there's an energy here and in a different context I could see that energy being used to great effect but here it just comes off as confused. There's a lot going on and very little of it seems to gel coherently into a singular piece with themes and a narrative goal. I think it needs to be restructured and reconsidered.
hey, dog, i really wanted to like this, dog, i think you came up with some really fun and creative ideas, dog, but it just doesn't gel together, dog.
Wizards carried a reputation for being stoic and cold, often stereotyped as prioritizing rationality over feeling. This stemmed from the art of sorcery being frustratingly intricate: “the language of magic” was not an idiom, and idioms were reviled for their unpredictability. Generalities and simple words were easy enough for any untrained thaumaturge to perform, but the more specific the desired result, the more specific one had to be in their phrasing. Syntax, pragmatics, formal semantics: a wizard must be aware of all of these when working. This was why an unfocused mind couldn’t effectively cast magic (as well as the fact that a pissed off wizard is more likely to throw a chair at you than a fireball). Due to this, registered wizards are granted great psychotherapy options by the state.
this slaps, for instance. i wanted more from this part. there were other things like this too. they just got lost — it was chaotic, a maelstrom, and i felt like i didn't know which way was up. novote.
edit: i don't know why, but sleeping on it really changed my outlook on this one. upvoting. it's funny and the pacing is totally wild. the whole thing reads like a bad fever dream or terrible acid trip, but in a good way? i dunno. i also think there's more room in the world for wacky fantasy like this. i still think there are some slight issues with being able to follow the thread and there's a few spag things but it's minor polish stuff. just goes to show that brains need time on things sometimes.
I might not have been the greatest to crit this as representative for larger Library taste, but this is my cup'a tea. It was a joy to be able to, though, as this has absolutely taken me for a ride to somewhere I didn't know I wanted to be. +1
Fires rage just below the surface of the ice.
This was really nuts. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. I'm pretty conflicted as to whether this is an up or no vote. Agree with others that the pacing could do with some work, but the sheer insanity of the imagery is really charming. I care more about the latter than the former, so I think it's an upvote.
Yeah, gotta agree with its detractors; there's a lot going on here, but it doesn't gel together properly in a way that made me enjoy the reading. It feels like a lot of snippets only held together by a bit of context in the middle of the piece and Maeve existing and doing things sometimes. Other than that, the piece constantly bombards you with a new wacky thing that sort of devalues that wackiness by just being that. I dunno, might work for some other people, but to me it didn't feel cohesive enough to enjoy. -1
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