"Long ago, before the dying of the light, there were two. A great mage, entrusted with creating the wonderous and terrible devices by which the human beast was to outlast the sun, and a grim scholar, who knew that more than machines would be needed to cross the Great Null. And as they grew old and the world suffocated under the cold and the smog a terrible rift grew between them, for the mage hungered for the freedom that she remembered under the sun, and the scholar saw the bitterness and greed of the human heart as a fuel that could burn brighter than any star."
—Segment transcribed from a compendium of folk tales, recovered from a destroyed bandcity and mis-filed in the "Khaprateni cookery" section of the National College of Unescensi Archives
Thank you to my brother for looking this over and immediately knowing what was wrong with it in great detail