A Silly Habit/You're So Childish

Summary:

~850 words classic "creepypasta" style story.

A Silly Habit/You're So Childish

IronShears 17 Aug 2024 21:12

Attempting somewhat of a "classic creepypasta" style story. I was thinking of doing this for a while but it felt too bland until I started adding more ridicule.

~850 words. It's all 2nd person prose.

http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/ironshears

open this after reading

Main things I want critique on are:

1. Can you tell what is happening here and who is implied to be speaking? At what point does it become clear?
2. Does it flow well? Does it feel clunky to read or hard to get through?
3. How does it make you feel?
4. I'm trying to make the fear something that most people would at least understand enough to empathize with while still feeling like it's something you'd be self-conscious over. Is it too niche?