For the phantom prom con, My promt was "last one standing" rest of the comment WIP
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the prose isn't the strongest, and the story itself induces little feeling in me. the fight with the shark is cool, though.
poet
Hmmm. I feel like this could have been done better— while the prose is strong it's lacking an ephemeral feeling of sadness or melancholy or Emotion— the sea serpent is good in its way, yes, but it feels bland and impersonal. Interesting concept that needed more time in the oven.
-Avalon
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
Echoing some of Ava and UncannyClown's comments here and leaving a novote. The concept is good, but the execution leaves something to be desired. The prose is a bit too shallow to convincingly contain the emotions I assume you intended, and the beats of the story feel somewhat bland and impersonal like Ava said. Keep at it, though.
I like the idea. I'm not sure what the 'you' is doing here. For the length of the story, it probably should be either just the shark fight or the death scene. But I respect trying to get into the head of something other. It's a very WL thing to do.
The prose is more than adequate. Some meat is better medium well than overcooked.
Fun! Was pretty interested to see what this creature that acts as the protagonist was, and while I feel it could have been pushed further execution-wise, I did like the reveal at the end, alongside with the fight with the 'stone giant'. Fun little thing.
+1~
perfectly enjoyable — i don't have much to say beyond what others have already said, so i'll leave it at that, and take a +1.
Definitely some more emotion could've been injected here, but I thought this story was cool. Cool fight with a shark(?) and great reveal and ending with the lighthouse. Lighthouses have always been fucky with us, why shouldn't they fuck with aquatic creatures?
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