The two kissed, his fiery orange locks and her coffee brown ones merging to give the area a rare and welcome splash of color. After they were done,
I really liked the first sentence I've quoted here. In fact I think it was among the best bit of detail provided in the entire piece! I was disappointed then that the very next sentence ended the interaction with little fanfare. You had a lot of opportunity for description and character-building here that felt lost. It didn't help that the language of the second sentence felt very off-kilter from the first, almost dismissive.
she almost pouted, knowing he couldn't resist her when she was like this. She knew it must be serious when his attitude didn't change whatsoever.
This also feels like awkward phrasing to me. I'm not sure how to describe my problems like the previous, but I wanted to point it out anyhow.
Max recovered just as his wife touched the knob of the cabin door and wetted it with his blood.
This was another problem I noticed in this piece, where you use words that do not seem to fit the scene. Does "touched" and "wetted" fit the tone of an escape from a vicious attack? To me it is describing a much gentler scene.
He promptly and viscously lunged at her. With that, a shatter of glass, a visceral cracking sound and a hard thud.
Both issues now. Is "promptly" really a good word for an unhinged creature attacking? The lack of most description then results in both sentences feeling incomplete, too fast, awkward.
She clutched Kat by the wrist
Is "clutched" appropriate? It also feels much too gentle to me.
Kat awoke, it was dark outside. She had slept from morning to night, she truly was exhausted.
You can't separate two ideas like this with a comma. This is essentially four sentences. Maybe three, one using a semicolon. At least some of them could use some more description too.
Overall, I'd like to see you slow down and allow your scenes to breathe with some imagery and put more thought into the ways you are currently describing actions.
