I understand that. I just feel as though the exploration of the characters could have been done better without necessarily relying on telling the reader exactly the context that they would miss otherwise. The whole 'show, don't tell' kind of thing.
And regarding the script, first it must be understood that that's not really a strong format to use for stories on this site, so when the format is used, I feel like one needs to really polish the way in which you present both dialogue and directions such that they overall feel additive to the format presented; basically, that the story you're telling is strengthened by the script, and not weakened. In this specific story, I feel the opposite: I feel like the script format somewhat restricts your writing in a manner that doesn't feel purposeful. I'm not saying that the directions and the dialogue are weak by themselves obviously, but rather that they are not as strong as to make the format feel that it really aided the presentation of your story. I guess a better way to put it is that I don't feel the format really highlighted your story, but rather made it somewhat awkward in presentation, although that is also because of my other —which personally I feel is the main— gripe with it. They're not separate things, but rather two that make the piece less remarkable that it could have been.
I think the script format can work here btw, not saying it can't, nor that it doesn't (I don't dislike this story, but don't like it either), but I feel it would benefit a lot from stronger dialogue between the characters, and a better presentation of the story elements you wish to touch upon.
(account deleted) 08 Jan 2025 09:40