Crit Request: Titian Arum

Crit Request: Titian Arum

Lotus Lark 11 Feb 2025 01:14

http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/the-shadow-under-my-skin

This is a poem I've had half written in my notes for a while, but I finally decided to try and complete it. I think the concept is strong but I'm not sure if I got the ambiguity I'm going for in the beginning completely right. I also want to make sure I'm not reaching too far for the rhyming. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Re: Crit Request: Titian Arum

aHedgehogDilemma 11 Feb 2025 10:09

Really strong poem, good job! :)
I loved the imagery you evoked in your writing and would definitely give it a +1 if you posted it on the Library. I'm not one for rhyming in general but I liked this poem. Really solid piece of work!

Re: Crit Request: Titian Arum

Lotus Lark 11 Feb 2025 17:39

Thank you for the quick response! I really appreciate the feedback and it's given me the confidence to actually post it on the Library if you want to check it out.

Re: Crit Request: Titian Arum

Skipmeister 11 Feb 2025 01:41

Ahoy!

I should preface this by saying that poetry and critiquing it is not my strong suit, but I really liked this! I got to the end and had to go over it again given the final couple of lines, so I think that the concept is indeed strong. As for the ambiguity in the beginning, I think it works, although "pale in the snow" definitely leans a bit more towards the "corpse" interpretation. I reckon the rhyming is also very well done.

In short, good work!

Re: Crit Request: Titian Arum

Lotus Lark 11 Feb 2025 17:38

Thank you so much for the quick feedback! I appreciate you taking the time to crit even though you say poetry isn't your strong suit.