Crit Request: Ropen Rewrite

Crit Request: Ropen Rewrite

Plilt 24 Feb 2025 19:33

First tab here. This is a rewrite of this page. I'm mostly wondering if there's any gaps or ideas that should be developed further, but if someone catches SPaG issues or spots awkward phrasing I'd appreciate their feedback.

Last edited on 24 Feb 2025 19:34 by Plilt Show more

Re: Crit Request: Ropen Rewrite

Warrior627 27 Feb 2025 15:08

[+] You have mail!

SPaG

Adults are lightly built and their wings have an exceptionally high aspect ratio, as is typical for pelagic flying creatures.

Add a comma (,) before 'and'.

All of their body except the underside and the wing membranes covered in a thin layer of feathers,

Add "are" after 'membranes'.

The color of light emitted varies somewhat. Ropen on Sulawesi and the Maluku Islands have a noticeable green tinge to their bioluminescence while populations on New Guinea and the Bismarck Archipelago are cyan.

Add a comma after 'bioluminescence'.

If you raise ropen from one population in the other population's range their bioluminescence is the same color.

Add a comma after 'range'.

While the bulk of the ropen population lives on New Guinea and Sulawesi, small populations live on the Bismarck Archipelago and the Maluku Islands.

Change both 'on's to "in".

In recent years this population decrease has slowed but has not fully stopped.

Add a comma after 'years'.

They remain abundant on New Guinea.

Change 'on' to "in".

Fossil records in the Wollemi Plains, a small world accessible through an Way in New South Wales, indicate that members of Anhangueridae had colonized the area at least five million years before the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event.

Change 'an' to "a".

Initially biologists suspected anomalous interference in their evolution.

Add a comma after 'Initially'.

They mate in late April and lay two to three eggs shortly afterwards at the start of the dry season; this ensures that parents can forage at sea without fear of storms.

Change 'afterwards' to "afterward". [Not required. It depends on the type of English your going for. British is "afterwards". American is "afterward".]

---

Concept

No complaints good stuff. Since it is a rewrite and the original came out in 2012.

Again, pretty good at keeping the original work/style. 9/10

---

Format

Pretty nice layout, good image placement. All around, nice. 10/10

---

Total Score

9.5/10

---

- [Insert cool quote here]. - Warrior627

Last edited on 27 Feb 2025 15:15 by Warrior627 Show more