this is really quite fucking excellent. rees and hashla have great chemistry; i was quickly charmed by the pair, and the latter half of their time together tugged on my heartstrings pretty strongly. i also love the numerous ways that the idea of cycles is worked into the story throughout (though it made the ending slightly predictable), and it's obviously fitting for a setting where so much revolves around the predictable cycle of a caravan. i'd for sure upvote this as it is. that said, i have suggestions:
Is the intro too cliche?
a little bit, yeah. rees conveniently bumping into an asshole and then conveniently drawing the attention of hashla just feels a bit contrived. maybe she has to go running away from him and looking for help, and she finds hashla that way? that would allow you introduce the violence early while keeping things a little more believable.
Does it make sense?
yes, but i think the ending needs work. it doesn't really satisfy me, and i think that's because there's not much development compared to the start of the story. i understand that the cyclical nature of these things is the central theme, but there's also a clear thread throughout of hope for the future, of belief that it really is possible, generation by generation, for things to shift positively, and that thread feels unresolved. here's an idea: have the ending be from rees's perspective. let us see what goes through her head when she decides to take strou with her, what the mentor thinks in this situation, how aware she is of her position in a larger cycle, what (if anything) she hopes to do differently from her predecessor. that way, if your intention is for this to end on a more negative note, it at least feels like you're offering commentary on how feasible it is to escape this kind of cycle, rather than merely observing that the cycle exists.
as far as the midsection goes, i think it mostly works great, but the scene with the gun cleaning drags a little. i really don't care about the granular details of the gun's anatomy, and i think the exposition delivered in that section could be spread throughout two or three smaller scenes.
oh, and one more thing: no matter what direction you take it in, the final scene should be in present tense. i feel this suggestion in my bones.
