i can get down with a lot of this. it's conceptually derivative of "the book of sand" to an extent that some people will probably find objectionable, but i think that fusing that concept with a "tell-tale heart" kind of narrator helps to freshen it, even if the piece wears both inspirations on its sleeve. i'm also big on the ending, its switch to angela's perspective, its pivot to much more abstract and metaphorical imagery, its ambiguity.
my foremost criticism has to do with the narration: in a relatively modern setting, i just can't believe that a college-aged guy would talk like this. his way of speaking borrows too much from poe's narrator without accounting for the difference in setting, and it takes me out of the story. i think the whole thing would work a lot better if his language was more colloquial, and the use of dashes was cut down a bit. besides that, i think this is pretty effective.
