Rhodique / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Rhodique.

Rhodium, Element 45

meltedbee 06 May 2025 21:12

Seventh entry to the mainline Sub Machina Angelus series.

Shiny, expensive, and oh so tolerant against the crushing pressure and heat of the modern world, Aurelia is an operator to be dreamt of. Golden like palladium, unshakable like platinum, and possessing the beauty and value of rhodium, Aurelia and Harut show us all what it means to be true members of the Church. — Excerpt from a poster distributed amongst intra-Solar Orders.

Thank you to FleshMaddAvalon, zipzipskins, and UncannyClown for their valuable critique.

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radiance, glorious and cold and blistering all at once, like a star behind the eyes

zipzipskins 06 May 2025 21:34

it was a pleasure to read this and a pleasure to crit it. i think my favorite thing about the way you develop aurie is the way you do subtle touches of character building over time. i think you have done a really exemplary job of building her up (usually by tearing her down) so that we are invested in where she goes next. not everything needs to be grand-scale cataclysmic for it to really, really matter for her arc and development and i love that.

side note, the way each character's voice comes through is really great as well.

+1

UncannyClown 07 May 2025 02:57

i reckon i could still do with a little more drawing out of the final revelation, but this is still a strong piece on the whole. your knack for little details and bits of characterization really does a lot to elevate these pieces; it always feels like there's so much at the margins of this world, which helps to make it feel like a real, living place.

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poet

meltedbee 07 May 2025 03:20

For what it's worth, i did keep the revelation a crushing in-the-moment type thing, for authenticity's sake, but i understand your perspective

Thank you so much for your crit, feedback, and praise:)

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radiance, glorious and cold and blistering all at once, like a star behind the eyes

destinysday 10 May 2025 00:47

One minor nitpick I have overall is the conversation between Aurelia and Asterius. After asking if she'll trust him, Aurelia "kneels once more". But a few lines later after she is told she'll be working with Zure for the immediate future, she "kneels once more". So a bit of awkward wording here, as i don't think Aurelia stands up in between these lines. Maybe consider tweaking the second repetition a bit so it flows a bit better?

Overall tho, another enjoyable piece. +1

Spoddetman 13 May 2025 14:14

Ohh, Aurie. She can't seem to catch a break, can she? Either way, this story is very, very good, and I'm glad I read it as soon as I could. The character of Harut is playful with deep discontent seething under the surface, all done in a realistic and believable way. Aurie deserves better, and I'll echo Zip's praise of the masterful way you slowly build character. I wonder what's in store for her next?

Autotuned +1.