From the Depths / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page From the Depths.

UncannyClown 14 May 2025 02:05

this doesn't quite do it for me, unfortunately. the word choice and diction show flashes, but on the whole, they lack punch. i understand the central metaphor, but i don't feel it. that might be partially because of overuse — people have been using caves as metaphors for various states of being lost/trapped since plato — but i don't think this is far from being something i'd upvote. it just needs sharpening. in poetry, i want words that cut like knives, and this is more of a dull thud.

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poet

skylar_the_rat 14 May 2025 03:25

I sense that too. The poem is greatly modeled after another (we spent like an hour yapping about it in the-stacks), and so it follows a very similar cadence to the poem I borrowed from. This writing style is a far cry from my own, and a bit too nebulous for my liking, but I still enjoyed writing it and I personally really like it. It was always going to lack punch.

I will be returning to my own style after this, where I am much more proficient and harsh in my symbolisms. I already have a poem titled "Chrysalis" that I'm fine-tuning as we speak. I just need to sharpen out the last stanza then I'll likely post it to the-workshop for peer review.

Thank you for your insight, folks like you make me the best writer I can be.
- Skylar

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𖥞 a new day is at hand! 𖥞

A Machine for Sloths 14 May 2025 21:14

I must disagree with my esteemed colleague, in that I think the imagery and word choice is quite pleasant and effective throughout. I likewise do not particularly enjoy the metaphor, but I enjoy the poem irregardless. I can speak little to any free verse poem, because all of them to me feel like being suspended in a little pool of images, without too much in the way of motion or momentum, but I was happy to read it.

zipzipskins 16 May 2025 02:58

this is really starkly contrasted to your first post in the way it meanders and turns around on itself. i went and read the inspiration poem and i think you actually do it better here — it isn't just "in the style" of it, it's an improvement on the form completely, at least to me — but there is a definite sense of operating in another framework here. an unease, not with the subject of the poem itself, but the method of telling.

that said, i enjoyed the imagery alone enough to upvote. i found myself carried along with it midway through and it let me off the ride in a way i found satisfying at the end. eager to see yet more of your stuff. +1