i enjoy this piece quite a bit — the visceral, propulsive quality of your prose continues to please me, and this character is fun even if his whole deal is pretty close to aurelia's — but this is the exceedingly rare case of a piece needing a proofreader so badly that i'm holding my vote hostage over it. at every turn, i found myself being taken out of the story by word errors, sentences that inexplicably cut off, and so on. here are a few of the worst offenders:
Sometimes a little push is all a situation needs. It’s less than a second between the click of a catch release under the bar
Sometimes a little push is all someone needs.
it seems like a fragment was accidentally left in here.
in the next section, the div is broken, leaving the text red when it's supposed to be blue.
I see the sun, millions of miles away, pointillated through the rings of rock and ice chunks. I see the rainbows tossing in the sky, the twinkling night stars arrayed like jewels. I feel the metal in my skin dig and snag, teh replacements for
this seems to cut off way before it's supposed to and kills the pivotal ending moment. also, "teh."
i'll reverse my vote if these three are fixed, but there are also a number of smaller errors throughout that i can fetch later if you would like.
