Entry 19 - Applebees / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Entry 19 - Applebees.

UncannyClown 21 Jul 2025 09:59

i haven't read the prior 18 entries, which limits my perspective, but to me, this is screaming out for expansion. we start out with this pretty lighthearted narration, and then we arrive at this moment of real tenderness and reflection at the end, but we don't really linger on any part of that process long enough for the moments to feel weighty or impactful. if each section was longer, and we plumbed more into the narrator's meditations, i think this could be pretty strong. as it is, though, this needs more for me to be down with it. i'm not even saying that we need to get into the minutiae of backstory and all that — i get that i'm dropping into the middle of a multi-part series here — but just give the narrator's musings some space to breathe.

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poet

A Machine for Sloths 21 Jul 2025 20:49

I think that all of uncanny's comment is true, but I do think that this piece works as the subentries have a dreamy air of half-isolated vignettes which compensates (and is served by) for their brevity. However, I think that this sensation would be a lot stronger and more beneficial to the series at large if the series were consolidated, such that multiple entries and their subentries were to share one or several pages. I don't know if there's a stylistic reason behind having each entry possess its own distinct WL page, but I feel it would be a lot more readable if they did not. At the moment the various entries have a very charming reverie-tone which makes them each worth reading (even considering I am generally not into sci-fi), but I feel that this tone is significantly hampered by the reader needing to step out of the dream to click the next entry or hub button. Then again, this may be less invasive to people who do not have to wait the 8 seconds for the cafe wifi to resume the dream. even so, I think that consolidating more entries to a page would be very beneficial for the series.

The reflections are interesting in their own regard, and the writing expresses them rather well. Concluding, though each entry is pleasant on its own, they are generally a little too brief and unelaborated (as uncanny mentioned) individually, and I personally think they would read better if formatted on one page. Still, a fun and thoughtful read! Thank you for sharing.

Last edited on 22 Jul 2025 01:13 by A Machine for Sloths Show more