I can really hear this sung in ethereal tones by a band of light-wrapped ministers of a faith unbidden by time. Very nice c
I watch the yonder hills
See foodwrenches toil in dust
Let their cacophonous calls
Rend our bodies to rust
Something very bittersweet about this one, like a dream one can't wake up from. I like it.
+1~
lofi beats to hide from YHWH to. +1
Sent from the Second Circle of Hell
liked it a lot. Personally i would change the "headphones" in the piece, as some grounded language like that doesn't mix well with the rest of the dream-like language of the rest of it, but that was the only gripe I had. Good piece overall. +1
"—I said, with a posed look."
I actually really liked this choice of words, I think the grounding it gives to the piece is interesting, because without it, it'd be more difficult to feel this text, and find it relatable, and it creates some nice contrast within the piece.
"Do not sneer at the mad, their madness lasts longer than ours, that is all the difference."
in contrast to my minor quibbling with red ball of hate, i think this is pretty much perfect. it's so rooted in a sensation of self that i (and many others) have spent a lot of time chasing in my life. i think it's one of your strongest entries and i wouldn't change a word of it. +1