Crit Request - April (a poem)

Summary:

The gloom and grace of the 4th month.

Crit Request - April (a poem)

Miss Lovecraft 23 Aug 2025 22:03

Hello, Wanderers!

I've had this poem sitting in my notes for quite a few months without knowing whether or not to post it somewhere. Since I recently entered the Library, I'd like to share it here so I can practice a bit of creative freedom.

Here's the link to my Sandbox, which contains the poem (it's on the first tab!):
http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/miss-lovecraft-s-literature

I'd appreciate some overall feedback before I eventually post it! Please tell me what you take out of this poem and if it's thematically/overall interesting enough to share. Thank you!

Re:

Rednodge 24 Aug 2025 07:52

hi, welcome!! don't be worried if your poem is interesting, i think poetry is worth sharing!

+ feedback

i will highlight my personal favorite stanzas:

I'm nothing but a tiny serpent
Biting its own tail, designed for it,
Teeth sinking deep into a familiar taste
I wish I could spit out of my mouth

Flowers try to bloom and thrive
In the poisoned fourth month of the year
Their stems are up, their petals fallen
Only tiny remains making up for a year's damage

I tear my dead skin apart in April
As I sharpen my tongue again.

i dig the serpent personification going on here, really solid.

And the chains I was born with,
Wrapped firmly around my wrists,
Are the cross I bear every day
And carry towards a place where I can free myself from them

this stanza could use a bit more punch with the imagery and specificity.
also, "cross" should be plural if you're using "Are", or change the verb to "Is"

Spring always bites me pack

potential typo, is it "bites me back"?

overall, the poem has a striking rhythm and flow, but there is room for more refinement. i like the snake thing, i would suggest focusing on that slightly more.

let me know if you disagree with this! i hope my input assists you. happy writing!

---

if i fell into your arms
could i trust you to make no sound?

Re:

Miss Lovecraft 24 Aug 2025 10:36

Hi! Thanks so much for replying!

+ Thoughts!

i dig the serpent personification going on here, really solid.

Thank you! At the time I wrote it I didn't really think about it, but now that I wrote it here, I can kind of link it to the Serpent's Hand (since, you know, "serpent"). The "tiny serpent biting its own tail" is sort of a metaphor for a harmful cycle, since it relies on biting its own tail to keep things going. It then links to the title and overall theme of the poem, since April is known for spring, which is known as a season of change (therefore, renewing cycles).

this stanza could use a bit more punch with the imagery and specificity.
also, "cross" should be plural if you're using "Are", or change the verb to "Is"

I've fixed it! "Cross" is now "crosses." It makes much more sense since "chains" is plural as well. Thank you for pointing that out!
As for the imagery and specificity, I'll definitely look more into it. I've added a couple of lines to the stanza which I think make the serpent theme a bit more cohesive.

potential typo, is it "bites me back"?

Yes! I didn't see it at first. I've fixed it.

overall, the poem has a striking rhythm and flow, but there is room for more refinement. i like the snake thing, i would suggest focusing on that slightly more.

Got it! I'll brainstorm a little and see some elements regarding snakes that might go well in the poem.

Thank you so much for the crit!!

Re: Crit Request - April (a poem)

UncannyClown 21 Sep 2025 04:00

on the whole, i think this works pretty well, but i have some quibbles:

What's pouring outside
Cannot compare to what's pouring inside
What has been pouring inside for a bite
Or two
Or maybe for every bite I've taken
Since I was brought to this world

too many uses of the words "pouring" and "bite" in this stanza, i feel.

A freezing scream too frozen to wake up

the double usage of "freeze" in this line is really tough.

it's also strange to me that the structure of having pairs of stanzas mirror each other is dropped for the final three stanzas. it's applied inconsistently in general, actually — the third pair of stanzas has the "or two" in different places, and the first pair copies the number of lines but not the shape of those lines in sequence. i think it's an appropriate device for a poem about such cyclical things, and i wish it was leaned into harder.

---

poet

Re: Crit Request - April (a poem)

Miss Lovecraft 30 Oct 2025 09:18

too many uses of the words "pouring" and "bite" in this stanza, i feel.

Noted! I'll rewrite this stanza.

the double usage of "freeze" in this line is really tough.

Noted as well! Will have it in mind when I rewrite the poem.

i think it's an appropriate device for a poem about such cyclical things, and i wish it was leaned into harder.

Will have it in mind as well!

Thank you so much for the crit!