I'm looking for some critique and thoughts about a draft of the first chapter of a "story" I'm writing. I'm mostly doing it for fun, so it's supposed to be more of a global description of a world rather than an actual account of events with stakes and dilemmas. I'm also not focusing on the characters, and rather have the reader feel like someone in this world. I have already written drafts for two chapters, noted by the § symbol, I mostly look for crit on the first paragraph, the second is not really finished yet, it feels a tad too short for my tastes. I also intend this text to be somewhat similar to a game, as most of the actual words are hidden and must be unveiled. Lastly, I'm looking for crit mostly on the vibe of the text, as one of the main features of this world is that the story has already been told, and will continue to be told regardless of what happens.
Link to the sandbox : [http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/where-a-king-weaves-it-s-golden-tapestry]
"Do not sneer at the mad, their madness lasts longer than ours, that is all the difference."