Crit Request - The 13th (a poem)

Summary:

A manifesto of human nature.

Crit Request - The 13th (a poem)

Miss Lovecraft 09 Nov 2025 13:46

Sandbox here: http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/miss-lovecraft-s-literature (2nd tab!)

Would appreciate some vibes assessment, overall check. Thank you in advance!

Re: Crit Request - The 13th (a poem)

PallidAlbumen 11 Nov 2025 16:59

I thought this was interesting, but it's a little too disconnected for me.

There's some good imagery in here, such as "Apathy poisoning my veins,
Madness the snake that injects it;" , but some of the repetative language falls flat for me, such as the use of "Pouring rain" and "Than" used back to back.

As well as in the poem, only some of the stanzas really feel connected with eachother, as there's not really use of transition words within it, so it leaves it feeling a little disjointed and not flowing well for me. This mainly starts "The Ghost" stanza. With a bit of tweaking I think i'd like it more, but this is mainly my concern.

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"—I said, with a posed look."