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crit
(Make sure to add spaces in between the line breaks, it'll look cleaner)
I like the dark fairytale vibes—snappy, fantastical, twisted. Things just happen and we don't get much respite. This is not a bad quality, and I think it works with the style you're going for. The first line is immediate—it prompts suspense, and you sustain that well throughout. But I feel that it lacks an engine—more "oil" to supplement that dryness. Not to say that you absolutely need to explain every little event.
Something crawled out of his skin and ran away into the shadows.
Could you describe that "something"? I can get behind the use of vague images for the reader to conceive of a thousand disturbing things, but it isn't effective here. I think subtlety works wonders if you imply details, but not committing to a full, comprehensive description. Just enough to generate intrigue and instill tension. I like the arm and the head, the fact the they're alive somehow, and that the latter talks. It gives off an eerie, foreboding sense of anxiety.
The final line is such a killer reveal. Not the most original, but it leaves a persisting wound. I presume this hints at some sort of time loop? If so, maybe you could expand the middle a bit, especially the undine section, but not to the extent that it bloats the piece and it loses that charming brevity, which is one of its selling points for me. Propel the POV character to overcome more interesting obstacles along the way, so that the final line strikes a deeper cut.
I'd love to see where you take this story. There's a lot of strange, freakish directions it could go. I'm not the best writer or crit giver, so tell me if you take issues with my criticisms or don't find them helpful. I wish you luck!
