This could be good; the idea is intriguing. But there's far too much bad writing in it. The paragraph breaks are appalling and completely mess up the story flow, and the dialogue and characterization is mediocre at best. Fix that, and then this could work.
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Requesting staff permission to fix the paragraph formatting on this one.
Granted.
This is currently in the negatives, the author hasn't posted to any wikidot site in almost two years, and I have something half written already. Requesting permission to rewrite this.
DENIED FOREVER.
(Go for it.)
Oh hey look, it's a sweet, intriguing story. Nice work.
if your reading this your gay
/forum/t-293455/the-cafe#post-