A Monologue

Summary:

link to sandbox in thread

A Monologue

Todd_Ingram 21 Nov 2013 23:51

http://wanderers-sandbox.wikidot.com/todd-ingram-s-sandbox

Originally, I had wanted this to be an intro to something, but I was convinced that it could stand on its own.

What do you think?

Re: A Monologue

Trar 22 Nov 2013 05:34

Who convinced you? IMO, it needs a bit more to be postable. But that's just me.

Re: A Monologue

Bunton 22 Nov 2013 13:02

I share Trar's sentiment. It's very interesting for what it is, but I the final line ("it's the same with us and gods") feels almost like an anticlimax. I think, for this to stand on its own, that needs to be expanded out. Otherwise, it is interesting, but too brief, since the bulk of it is written as pre-amble.

I mean, how is it like us and gods? Which gods? Has this sort of thing happened before? How could we act against them? What are your gods (the ones you have in mind for the purposes of this story, not the ones you personally hold) like?