overall i enjoyed this. i think conceptually it's extremely strong, and i think it builds vibes in a compelling way. the story is pretty tightly crafted. that said, at times it feels really dry, which sometimes is important for the vibes and the narrator's voice, but also sometimes crosses the line into feeling a bit too spare, and i wish there were more imagery and that you had filled some things out in more places. i also thought the transition from present tense to past tense midway through the piece was jarring — that sort of thing always feels like whiplash to me, and it definitely did here.
anyway, the strength of the conceit and of the storytelling are enough for an upvote, and i'm glad you linked it to me in discord, because otherwise i never would have read it
